You're Not My Dad
by Pinkie Tuscadaro
Summary: Craig's little test for Joey when he stole the car, season 2, oneshot. No longer a one shot! I added a chapter about the time Craig and Emma go and look for Shane.Now another chapter from season 4!Yay!
1. Chapter 1

Joey was cool and all. Craig was glad he was getting the house to himself and all, but it made him nervous, too. With the guys over something was bound to go wrong. It was easier at his dad's, in a way. No one was coming over and that was that. Home at six o'clock for dinner. There were less variables. With Joey he didn't know much, what would piss him off and what would make him yell and if anything would make him hit him. With his dad he knew.

The kidding. Joey had a real light hearted fun side and his dad really didn't. His dad could be cool, too, but it was more of a buying him stuff cool, not joking around. Craig didn't know how to take the kidding, since his dad never did it. He always thought he was serious, like after school when he looked all stern and said he never said he could invite the whole school over. Craig's heart started racing, sure he had screwed up.

And in an attempt to not screw up anything him and the guys were bored out of their minds, eating too many chips and donuts, a disgusting combination. But not quite as disgusting as watching Spinner ingest all that spray cheese. Was spray cheese even a food? Craig didn't know, but he watched the line of it go down Spinner's throat, watched Sean get super pissed at Marco for making him call Emma. But boredom meant not getting in trouble and this had always been the paramount goal of Craig's existence, to avoid trouble, to avoid his father's anger.

And even though he was bored it was okay, because he was getting to hang out with a bunch of his friends and not have to worry about curfews and his dad. Outside, sitting on the little porch against the rough brick wall, the timothy grass in his mouth tasting sweet, he commented on this.

"I like you guys," he said, but sort of meaning he liked them and he liked this, he liked not feeling so nervous, the low level of anxiety that gave him a headache almost every day for months and months when he lived at home.

"Are you gonna kiss us now?" Sean said, and Marco spat back, "Shutup," Craig smiled.

"No, it's just, having you all over like this…my dad would never have let me,"

"It must be real different being here, huh?" Sean said, and now it was sort of just a conversation between him and Sean, because Spinner and Marco didn't know anything about his father whereas Sean knew the extent of it. Sean knew about being ripped out of one environment and put in another one. He knew about people letting you down and hurting you over and over.

"Yeah, totally. It's like, with Joey, I can do no wrong,"

With his dad that was all he could do. He screwed everything up and even now he wasn't entirely sure that some of it, the belt and the beatings, that maybe some of that was his fault.

He told them about the car and their eyes lit up, they wanted to do that for fun, it was better than chips and donuts and spray cheese and with his dad he never would have. Never. Doing something of that magnitude would have resulted in the belt for sure. But it was Joey and they could probably get away with it and if they didn't then he would see, maybe…where Joey stood.

Still, he was nervous. More nervous than they were, because the stakes for him screwing up had always been higher. In the morning, before they were up he stood by the wooden box on the wall that held the keys to the dealership. He could hide them, say he couldn't find them, Joey must have taken them with him, too bad so sad. But a part of him wanted to take the car, wanted Joey to find out he took the car and then he would see what it was he was dealing with.

It was fun, driving like he was 16 or something, the guys laughing in the back, winning the tickets, Marco being so nervous. But then the cops drove up along side of him and he literally could not even breath. Jail. Arrested. Joey would send him away, he'd have to go back home and his dad would be justified, because he was trouble.

But it was okay. The cop didn't stop him, and he started to breath again, and Marco leaned over and said in a low voice, "so lucky, so lucky, so let's go back now," They all agreed that the adventure was over and he headed back to the car lot, and he'd put the car back and Joey would never be the wiser. It was better that way because he really didn't want to see what was what. Let Joey think he was a good kid.

Laughing, jumping, shoving into each other, the golden tickets in his hand. Sunny day, perfect day, and he went up to the office to put the car keys back. Joey flew out of the office, the phone in his hand and he pointed it at them like a weapon.

Craig barely heard him through his fear, but he knew that he was sending his friends away. The angry tone in his voice, the look on his face, these things were sharp cues for Craig. He felt his muscles get tense, felt his breathing speed up, saw himself watching closely so that he wouldn't get hit.

Back at the house, in the living room when he really wanted to be up in his room, and the angry look had not left Joey's eyes even for a second.

"Sit," Joey commanded.

"You're not my dad," Craig said defiantly. Up until now Joey hadn't told him what to do, not even to sit. Craig wasn't used to it, wasn't used to obeying anyone besides Albert.

"Why don't you really be like my dad? Go ahead, hit me," Breathless to say that but he had to know, what would Joey do to him?

Joey, for his part, figured this test was coming. He figured Craig would do something fairly spectacular to gauge his reaction. He just didn't figure he'd do something that would piss him off this much.

"Sit," An absolute command but he didn't know if Craig would, maybe he'd take off. He watched him, still angry but growing more and more cautious. He did sit, shifting, looking guilty, looking afraid.

A lecture, a grounding, a tearing up of the tickets. Limits and rules and expectations. But he didn't hit him or even grab him, not even once. Something inside Craig loosened, and he was mad about being grounded and not getting his tickets and all that, but he could live with this outcome. It was all that he had hoped for.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't that he didn't like Emma. He did, to a point. But for some reason he wanted to run when he saw her coming his way.

"Craig! Where are you going now?" He squinted at her, kept walking. He didn't like this.

"I'm going to art class," he said, and she fell in step beside him.

She sprung it on him, ditching school to go and find her father. To go on some wild hunt for some guy in a yearbook who could be…anywhere. She ran through her list of reasons why she couldn't bring Manny and she couldn't bring Sean.

"How about J.T. or Toby?" he suggested without much hope. He didn't want to admit it but he didn't like doing stuff like this, blatant disregarding of rules. It made him too nervous. His stomach would hurt and his head would ache and he'd have this low level of fear like caffeine fizzling through his blood stream. His own father was dead, but it was like his body didn't know that. He still feared him.

"I thought you'd want to help me," she said, and he looked at the top of her blond head. Thought about Joey. Joey would yell and probably ground him for something like this, if he found out. Joey was a good yeller. A ranter and raver. Craig didn't mind so much, knowing that Joey wouldn't hurt him, hit him, beat him. None of that. Just yelling and taking stuff away and then looking guilty and Joey was almost as happy as he was when he got the video games or the T.V. or whatever it was back.

"Why? Why me?" he said, looking at her. He hardly ever talked to this girl so why was she trying to get him into so much trouble?

"I thought you'd want to go because of, you know, your father," The connection didn't quite make sense to him. Because his father was dead? Because they both had step-fathers? But whatever. She had the balls to bring up his father, that alone was worth going with her. So he smiled wide at her and asked what they were waiting for.

Following her lead, going to one of those brick house/office buildings to see Dr. Shane McKay, and he almost laughed when the old black man opened the door. Emma's face and her comical surprise almost made him laugh. All day he was squashing the nervous feeling, telling himself even if Joey caught him he wouldn't do anything _really_, he wouldn't hurt him.

Looking all over for her father, some clue as to where he was. Prisons, hospitals, that type of thing. Going to her house and looking at Snake's school reunion database and that's where they found him. The address was in Stoufille. Craig swallowed hard. If they went to Stoufille he'd get in trouble for sure, and he felt that anxiety right in his stomach and it wasn't a fear of Joey but of Albert and he told himself again that he was dead. _He's dead_, he whispered it to himself. But he had to go now.

Laughing with her, walking to the train station, and he ignored the growing anxious feeling that spread from his stomach to all his cells. It was just a ghost of what he used to feel when he actually lived with his father, when he wasn't nervous about memories of beatings but the very real possibility of beatings, and that look on his father's face he'd never forget.

The train sped toward their destination, and he tossed popcorn into his mouth, watched the scenery fly by in that green blur of pine trees and scrub brush. And when the train screeched to a stop and they got out he saw the restless anxiety fill Emma's eyes. Who would she find? Some snotty doctor who had given her away, given up on her? Would she be abandoned all over again?

The address on the computer led them to a hospital type building and they went in, both feeling out of place. But this was a mission, and looking up at the high ceilings and the marble floors and the stairs that curved up to the second floor, he was glad she had asked him to go.

"What are you doing here?" A stern faced nurse asked them, and Emma blurted it out, that she was looking for Shane McKay and the nurse frowned, said she couldn't just see him without an appointment. Then fate intervened. Bells were going off and people were running and the nurse had to leave, couldn't stay and prevent Emma from seeking out her truth. In the commotion Craig had gone over to the placard with the list of the names of the people who worked here and he found Shane's name and the number of the office.

"This is it. It's up there. Go," he told her, and she looked at him with courage and fear and she seemed rooted to the spot in front of him. He understood that fear.

"Go!" he said, giving her a little shove, and she ran up the stairs. He understood why she asked him to go with her now. She went up those stairs not knowing who she'd find. He was still trying to find his own father, still trying to incorporate what his father did to him with the fact that he loved him, still trying to fit Joey into his father image. He hoped Emma would be able to deal with whatever it was she found up there.


	3. Chapter 3

Just half joking, his hands spread wide for the big present he half expected. Joey put an envelope into his hands and he opened it, feeling the paper birthday hat crooked on his forehead. He ripped into it and saw the amount of money before he saw anything else. 10,000 dollars. His eyes grew wide.

"Joey, you shouldn't have done this," he said, and he watched the fluid changing of expressions on Joey's face. There seemed to be something he was hiding, and he could tell that Joey kind of liked that he thought the money was from him.

"No, Craig, I didn't. It's from your father's estate. He specified it as a gift for your 16th birthday,"

His father's estate. His look darkened, he couldn't help it. More money. Like that wad of money he gave him to buy the new camera. Like the roll of bills he gave him to buy the new video game system, the new T.V. Something new of everything he had broke. He got that same feeling he used to get then, holding the money, feeling anger and forgiveness warring within him.

He grew quiet, the happy mood of the small birthday party ruined, at least for him. His father. Still trying to buy him, still haunting him. It had been two years since his death and he knew that all that…drama…wasn't really going away.

Up in his room that night, the check propped on the nightstand. He wanted to tear it up, had almost torn it up a couple of times but stopped himself. What did it mean? Was it some symbol of his father's love? Was it more of the same from when he had lived with him, trying to buy his forgiveness? He didn't like to think that he could be bought like that, but remembered that he had been for years. He'd been perfectly happy with the new whatever he had bought, with his father telling him not to worry.

He shook his head, seeing the check from the corner of his eye. It didn't matter. It didn't change anything. So his father was sorry about things, still sorry about it even though he was dead. Fine. He had had a lot of money and he willed it to him to buy him off, to say he loved him, to whatever. It didn't change anything. It didn't change his trouble with intimate relationships, his trouble relating to Joey, it didn't give him back those days he had slept in school, those nights he had stood on the other side of his locked door, terrified. It didn't change a thing.


End file.
